"I" is for Incredibly embarrassing!

The letter "I" is brought to you by Jenny Matlock. Visit her blog for more "I" entries.

It all started when I let the dogs out through the door in our bedroom!  I walked into the backyard in my nightgown and slippers and waited for the dogs to finish whatever they were doing.  I turned to go into the house and suddenly realized that the door had locked behind me!  My husband was in Tucson (98 miles away) so screaming and pounding on the windows and doors was not an option.  I kept repeating to myself, I'm locked out, I'm locked out, what am I going to do?  Oh, crap...this can't be happening to me!  I somehow realized that I had to get to a phone so I decided to walk to my neighbor's house in my humiliated glory with my boobs bouncing like tennis balls melons for the world to see.  Of course my neighbors (whom I know) weren't home!  I knew that there were neighbors in the next house who had recently moved in so I thought that I would try my luck with them.  I sheepishly knocked on their door and a man answered looking at me like he was seeing Dolly Parton and Carol Burnett's washer woman all rolled into one!  I had crossed my arms over my chest to hide my true embarrassment and politely introduced myself.  He and his wife welcomed me in and let me use their phone which wasn't any ordinary phone.  They and I had trouble calling out so the man (Marty) finally let me use his normal cell phone.  I called my friend, Cindy, who lives nearby because I knew that she had the key to our house.  No answer!  I called my father-in-law (age 90) because I thought that he might have a key to our house but he couldn't help me.  I kept apologizing to the new neighbors (Vickie and Marty) and they assured me that it was okay to stand in their kitchen without any dignity...Marty finally told his wife to get a robe for me because he could obviously sense that my near-hysterical embarrassment was about to skyrocket into uncontrollable sobs with a side of flailing and gnashing of teeth!  I pulled myself together and decided to call Cindy back while silently promising God that I would make novenas for the next 10 years!  This time Cindy answered the phone and I explained what had happened.  Funny thing...Cindy was in her nightgown, too, and had to change and find my house key before she could come to my rescue.  I dashed out of Marty and Vickie's house with a stream of "thank-you's" trailing behind me.  I met Cindy at my front door and nearly kissed the floor when I walked into my house.  I, too, thanked Cindy profusely, let the dogs in, took a shower and drank a cup of coffee.  I left for my hair appt. and took time to buy some flowers for Cindy, Marty and Vickie.  It seems now that when I leave my house I always feel incredibly insecure and tense, but I always make sure that I'm sufficiently dressed, have my cell phone, keys, water, sack lunch and chocolate with me...even if I only put the garbage bins out front or water the yard!  I think an incredible case of paranoia has set in.

Clip art courtesy of Bing!